Will she run for President?

What happens when you have an accidental unattended homebirth in the state of Arkansas? A paperwork nightmare. (If you thought that was a joke, you were sorely mistaken!)

I have spent more than eight hours collecting "evidence" that I was a) actually pregnant last year and b) actually living in the state of AR. I asked the lady at the Dept. of Vital Records if the testimony of 700 Facebook friends would be sufficient, but alas, it isn't.

I realize that very few people in the state of Arkansas actually have unattended homebirths, but the paperwork is like filling out a tax form, but with no instructions. Line 9b, for example, says, "Attendant." Who would have guessed that they wanted my name there? I thought I was "Mother." Anyway, the few directions that came with the paperwork were actually a copy of an inter-office memo, using jargon and abbreviations that rendered it almost useless--if not worse, causing more confusion that I already had!

After sending in what I thought was sufficient evidence, I received a call from the Dept. of Vital Records. Actually, I received four calls. In a row. About four different mistakes I had made on the form. She was actually very kind and typed up all my answers on a new form and sent it back to me to sign!

So, if you're planning to have an accidental unattended homebirth in the state of AR, here's what you need (never hurts to be prepared, right? ;-):

1. An AR driver's license.
2. A utility bill sent in your name to your AR address both BEFORE the birth and AFTER the birth. (We never received one before the birth.)
3. Some canceled checks that YOU signed (not your husband) to local businesses before the birth and after the birth. (Tip: "local" does not mean Memphis, TN.) (We sent dental records in lieu of canceled checks. =)
3a. Alternatively, credit card receipts from local businesses may be substituted, provided they are signed by the mother. (Question: When you sign a credit card receipt, who keeps it--you or the business?)
4. A "very pregnant" picture, either camera-dated or with today's newspaper proving the date of your pregnancy.
5. A similar picture of the newborn at birth, either camera-dated or with the day's newspaper, to prove date of birth.
6. All your prenatal records from AR-licensed medical personnel. (Tip: A TN-licensed midwife does not suffice.)
7. Finally, a dated ultrasound picture from a licensed medical facility. (Tip: A friend who does your sonogram as a favor to you does not suffice.)

So, if my evidence is lacking (No, 700 Facebook friends' testimony will not suffice) and J cannot get a birth certificate, perhaps my child can run for President. ;-)