I learned last night that when the Racquet Club says, "Yes, you may bring your infant to the tennis tournament, but we do require quiet," what they really mean is, "Please don't bring your infant." I swear, it was worse than church!
When we were seated, the stadium had a suitable dull roar that would cover the infant squeaks and grunts that inevitably would occur, and probably even a moderate cry. When Andy Roddick stepped to the line to serve, however, and the stadium when so quiet you could hear a pin drop on the concrete tennis court, my eyes widened and my brain screamed, "Oh dear God. That is quiet."
I did have to leave three times because of baby noises. However, we spent five hours watching two incredible matches. The first, Roddick (seed 1, and most handsome, I must say), vs. Tipsaharovich (seed 59, and quite comical) looked like a crusher, but Tipsaharovich gave him a run for his money. Julia's dirty diaper forced me to leave right when it was getting good. Roddick complained three or four times when the line judges misjudged his shots. Tipsaharovich took an opportunity to mock Roddick at a time when one of his shots was called out (and obviously was.) I am sorry I missed that. Laughter is the best medicine, you know. Roddick pulled out the match. It was a real treat to watch him in person.
Lleyton Hewitt played the next match against a guy named Mannarino, seed 69. I don't know Hewitt's seed, but he has recently been the top player in the nation! Mannarino actually claimed the first match. Hewitt and Mannarino both exhibited a competitive spirit. Hewitt actually broke his racquet in frustration at one point!
At 11pm, Mannarino had managed to secure a double-matchpoint against Hewitt for the set! Hewitt was serving. All was quiet. Hewitt tossed the ball up. And then...
Waaaaaahhhh!
Oh. My. Word. Talk about timing.
Hewitt let the ball drop. The entire stadium (which wasn't many) glared at me. I scooted out of there in a jiffy, and as I passed the usher, she sent me a look that I choose to interpret as sympathetic. I assured her that I would not be back. Chris followed shortly, and we watched the end of the match, which Hewitt managed to win, on the screen outside the stadium. They started their third set at 11:30pm, and I sincerely believe Chris would have stayed til the bitter end if Julia had not been there.
Well, lesson learned.
We spent five hours at the racquet club. The baby cried three times. I'd say she deserves a medal... as does Hewitt, for winning in spite of the noise.
I'm about the business of raising godly children. So far, God has blessed us with six of them! My husband owns his own business, and I'm fortunate enough to stay at home with the kiddos. If you're looking for deep philosophy on this blog, you're out of luck. If you'd prefer random tales of childhood tomfoolery, stick around!
Friday, February 18, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
The flag is up!
I don't drive to the post office ordinarily. I don't see the reason to do so. The post office comes to me every day. Every day (Sundays excluded, of course, because we're a Christian nation.) So I regularly put my mail in my mailbox right outside my door and flip the flag up. It works every time.
Except when it doesn't.
I discovered that birth certificate packet with its many enclosures scattered across my bedroom floor this morning, and upon further investigation, I discovered that Tobias, age 3, decided to do us the favor of getting the mail last night at midnight, opening it, and scattering it on our floor.
I can't decide what's more annoying--the fact that he displaced the *outgoing* mail or the fact that he did it unsupervised at midnight when the rest of us were sleeping. I do know which fact is more disconcerting.
A future escape artist? I hope not. A future postman? Maybe, but I doubt it.
At any rate, he's gotta learn what the flag means first.
Except when it doesn't.
I discovered that birth certificate packet with its many enclosures scattered across my bedroom floor this morning, and upon further investigation, I discovered that Tobias, age 3, decided to do us the favor of getting the mail last night at midnight, opening it, and scattering it on our floor.
I can't decide what's more annoying--the fact that he displaced the *outgoing* mail or the fact that he did it unsupervised at midnight when the rest of us were sleeping. I do know which fact is more disconcerting.
A future escape artist? I hope not. A future postman? Maybe, but I doubt it.
At any rate, he's gotta learn what the flag means first.
Will she run for President?
What happens when you have an accidental unattended homebirth in the state of Arkansas? A paperwork nightmare. (If you thought that was a joke, you were sorely mistaken!)
I have spent more than eight hours collecting "evidence" that I was a) actually pregnant last year and b) actually living in the state of AR. I asked the lady at the Dept. of Vital Records if the testimony of 700 Facebook friends would be sufficient, but alas, it isn't.
I realize that very few people in the state of Arkansas actually have unattended homebirths, but the paperwork is like filling out a tax form, but with no instructions. Line 9b, for example, says, "Attendant." Who would have guessed that they wanted my name there? I thought I was "Mother." Anyway, the few directions that came with the paperwork were actually a copy of an inter-office memo, using jargon and abbreviations that rendered it almost useless--if not worse, causing more confusion that I already had!
After sending in what I thought was sufficient evidence, I received a call from the Dept. of Vital Records. Actually, I received four calls. In a row. About four different mistakes I had made on the form. She was actually very kind and typed up all my answers on a new form and sent it back to me to sign!
So, if you're planning to have an accidental unattended homebirth in the state of AR, here's what you need (never hurts to be prepared, right? ;-):
1. An AR driver's license.
2. A utility bill sent in your name to your AR address both BEFORE the birth and AFTER the birth. (We never received one before the birth.)
3. Some canceled checks that YOU signed (not your husband) to local businesses before the birth and after the birth. (Tip: "local" does not mean Memphis, TN.) (We sent dental records in lieu of canceled checks. =)
3a. Alternatively, credit card receipts from local businesses may be substituted, provided they are signed by the mother. (Question: When you sign a credit card receipt, who keeps it--you or the business?)
4. A "very pregnant" picture, either camera-dated or with today's newspaper proving the date of your pregnancy.
5. A similar picture of the newborn at birth, either camera-dated or with the day's newspaper, to prove date of birth.
6. All your prenatal records from AR-licensed medical personnel. (Tip: A TN-licensed midwife does not suffice.)
7. Finally, a dated ultrasound picture from a licensed medical facility. (Tip: A friend who does your sonogram as a favor to you does not suffice.)
So, if my evidence is lacking (No, 700 Facebook friends' testimony will not suffice) and J cannot get a birth certificate, perhaps my child can run for President. ;-)
I have spent more than eight hours collecting "evidence" that I was a) actually pregnant last year and b) actually living in the state of AR. I asked the lady at the Dept. of Vital Records if the testimony of 700 Facebook friends would be sufficient, but alas, it isn't.
I realize that very few people in the state of Arkansas actually have unattended homebirths, but the paperwork is like filling out a tax form, but with no instructions. Line 9b, for example, says, "Attendant." Who would have guessed that they wanted my name there? I thought I was "Mother." Anyway, the few directions that came with the paperwork were actually a copy of an inter-office memo, using jargon and abbreviations that rendered it almost useless--if not worse, causing more confusion that I already had!
After sending in what I thought was sufficient evidence, I received a call from the Dept. of Vital Records. Actually, I received four calls. In a row. About four different mistakes I had made on the form. She was actually very kind and typed up all my answers on a new form and sent it back to me to sign!
So, if you're planning to have an accidental unattended homebirth in the state of AR, here's what you need (never hurts to be prepared, right? ;-):
1. An AR driver's license.
2. A utility bill sent in your name to your AR address both BEFORE the birth and AFTER the birth. (We never received one before the birth.)
3. Some canceled checks that YOU signed (not your husband) to local businesses before the birth and after the birth. (Tip: "local" does not mean Memphis, TN.) (We sent dental records in lieu of canceled checks. =)
3a. Alternatively, credit card receipts from local businesses may be substituted, provided they are signed by the mother. (Question: When you sign a credit card receipt, who keeps it--you or the business?)
4. A "very pregnant" picture, either camera-dated or with today's newspaper proving the date of your pregnancy.
5. A similar picture of the newborn at birth, either camera-dated or with the day's newspaper, to prove date of birth.
6. All your prenatal records from AR-licensed medical personnel. (Tip: A TN-licensed midwife does not suffice.)
7. Finally, a dated ultrasound picture from a licensed medical facility. (Tip: A friend who does your sonogram as a favor to you does not suffice.)
So, if my evidence is lacking (No, 700 Facebook friends' testimony will not suffice) and J cannot get a birth certificate, perhaps my child can run for President. ;-)
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