Why I'm not Hindu

I'm not a fan of bugs. Some people are. Kora cried real tears last night because David accused her of playing with a fake bug instead of a real bug. Believe me, it was fake. Tonight, on my way to put Saja to bed, I killed two crickets with one stomp each, then two LARGE spiders with several stomps each (they're resilient!), and then I discovered ants crawling on Saja's bed. Actual ants. Where she sleeps. *Gasp*

I folded up the sheets and told her to take them to the washer. I grabbed the ant spray and returned to her bedroom. Then I heard a massive shrill scream. Certain that Saja had been bitten by ants on the sheet, I ran out to help, but she cried, "There's a huge bug in the kitchen!" (Does it ever end, God?!) Sure enough, a gargantuan cockroach had found its way into our apartment and scared the britches off my little girl. Fortunately, I actually had in my hand at that moment "Ant and ROACH killer." I sprayed the little bugger til he scurried behind the fridge. Maybe, one day, someone will be fortunate enough to move the fridge and find the carcass of the Incredible Hulkroach behind it. But not I. Not tonight. Not with an ant colony setting up shop in my daughter's bed.

I sent her to the couch while I did something about it and finally traced the ants into the closet, which I have chained in order to keep the kids from destroying it. Upon opening the closet, I discovered a billion packing peanuts covering the floor. (Chris keeps packing peanuts in the house for shipping. The kids had in fact at some point discovered a way to enter the closet with the chain still attached, empty 13 gallons of packing peanuts on the floor, and leave undetected. Except I detected it. I just chose not to do anything about Chris' kids destroying Chris' closet with Chris' packing peanuts.) Try tracing an ant trail through a billion packing peanuts. Not fun at 10 pm. Not fun at all. Vacuum them? Great idea! Except they get stuck in the vacuum. You know what I did? I gently lay my hand near the peanuts and waved vigorously until they displaced and I could see the floor. Ants everywhere. I finally found a trail leading under the bookshelf (yes, we have bookshelves in our closets) and outside.

To be honest, who has the energy this late at night, or ever, really, to clean up packing peanuts and spray down ants? I left it. Saja's on the couch. Tomorrow, I'll ask the manager to find the anthill outside and demolish it. I hope she's not Hindu, either.