6 ways to minister to the lonely young mother

For a few months, I have been on the verge of potty training my very last baby. There is a profound sense of accomplishment in this momentous occasion. It's not that I mind changing diapers, but it's simply an indication of a far greater gift--freedom.

The responsibilities of motherhood can drown a woman who chooses not to work outside the home, who longs for adult company, who seems leashed to the very needy infants she so longed for just months earlier, and now, she just longs for more than a few hours of sleep stitched together or a visit from the laundry fairy.

I recently read an article posted on the Gospel Coalition that was meant for encouragement for lonely new moms that even though they may feel lonely, they must remember that Christ is always with them. You can read the blog post here.

Believe me, I have been there. I had five kids in four years. Multiply what the author of that article, Courtney Reissig, felt times, like a billion, and that's me 90% of the time in those demanding early years. But now that I'm coming out of the fog, now that I'm sleeping 8 hours at a time and enjoying a cup of coffee before it cools off (or get misplaced, or knocked over, or consumed by a sneaky little elf), I see this ubiquitous motherhood loneliness as a symptom of a far-greater sin--the sin of apathy within the church.

I don't know when it happened. When did the community of believers become so individualistic that we watch our kindred struggle through life with little more than a shake of the head and a "Bless your heart"? Reissig wrote to the lonely mother, as encouragement in her darkest moments, but I'm writing to those of us who know the lonely mother. Do something to save her! Here are a few examples of things that ministered to my lonely heart during my demanding days. Don't let the body of Christ flounder because that's what you're accustomed to.

1. Invite her family over for dinner. Don't ask them to bring something. Fix a real meal. Remind her not to help you clean up. Hold her babies. Ask about her life. Play a game! If new moms get lonely because their babies interfere with their social lives, give her back a taste of a social life.

2. Go to her house and do her chores. Remember the poem:
Quiet down cobwebs
Dust go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby
And babies don't keep.

Well, the sad truth is, as often as I wanted to while my days away cooing at my sweet babies and playing games with them, the chores simply can't be ignored. And the satisfaction of finishing the chores and enjoying a clean house is gobbled up by the irritating interruptions of demanding toddlers. It sometimes takes me all afternoon just to empty the dishwasher, when you factor in all the refereeing, wiping up spills, and changing diapers that interrupt me.

Don't ask her to call you if she needs help. Just go do it.

3. Volunteer at the church nursery. It makes sense that every nursery mom needs to carry her weight, and that's probably why every church I've ever attended required me to volunteer in the nursery once each month. As much as I love babies (and I do, I had six!), I needed that time in church each week to recharge my spiritual connection, and yes, just to be free from the demands of my crying child, or someone else's crying child. I cherished those two hours each week talking about the Lord without constant, frustrating interruptions. Please, please, volunteer in the nursery so that the new mom doesn't have to. It is a true ministry, even though it doesn't feel like it to you.

4. Husbands, step up! This is not the days of the Brady Bunch where we all have a housekeeper. Gone are the days of rooming in where new moms had female relatives tend to her at all times for months while she recovered from childbirth. Do the dishes, put away the laundry, get to know the vacuum. Take a nighttime feeding. (Women, if you're breastfeeding, I highly recommend that you allow your husband to bottle feed your baby once during the night so you can string together a few more zzz's.) Gas up the car, maintain the house, mow the yard, take out the trash. Learn to cook, go grocery shopping, or at least volunteer cheerfully to take care of your children so she can go to the store in peace. (You should have seen me with five babies at the grocery store. Cra-cra lady!) Do not... I repeat... DO NOT watch television or goof off or read while your wife is doing chores. Join her in the work or you will ruin her joy. Also, that's just disrespectful and mean.

5. Pamper her. Can I just tell you what a marvelous ministry the foot massage is? Or scalp massage? Or shoulder massage? Okay, really, just any massage anywhere. Stress causes tension in places we never knew we had, and caring for a newborn is stressful! Take a teenager to care for her kids, and give her a mani/pedi. If you can afford it, take her to the salon. Take her out for coffee or ice cream. Give her a non-mom purse  (Mom-bag: the size of Texas in a vinyl, easy-clean fabric), some pretty jewelry, or fancy shampoo. Take the initiative, because, I promise you, she feels like she's imposing on you if she asks you over when the house is a mess and the kids are crazy.

6. Babysit. For free. That's right, you heard me. Call that new mom up and tell her you want to watch her children for no charge (specify that up front) while she and her husband enjoy a date night. If you care for the marriages in your family of Christ, babysit. If you have the means, you might even throw in a few bucks for them to enjoy a fancy dessert.

Wow, you say, all these ideas sound great, if only I knew young mothers. Well, I say to you, ask God to bring you some, and I promise, He will. His heart is for His church. Also, just go down to the church nursery after the service and you'll find all the new moms your little heart can handle. Minister to them as unto the Lord, and the Lord will "Bless your heart." I promise.